Why Wile E. Coyote Will Never Retire

By Nancy Ayash

I don’t want my frail, bony body to crash against the rocks anymore; smashing to smithereens and breaking my dream of success. I want my parachute to open this time, so I may float down gently; not landing with a solid thud. I grow weary of the high walls before me; and all the tries to climb, scale, and jump over these towering stones. Yes, I grow tired, disheartened and sad. I don’t want to be Wile E. Coyote any more; chasing that Road Runner who always outsmarts, eludes, and causes me to live a life of frustration.

Who am I kidding? Without disasters, mishaps, inventions that backfire, and parachutes that fail, my life would lack challenge. Oh sure, we dream of that day when total success finally arrives. We’ve got the Road Runner. But now what? Remember the adage “be careful what you wish for?” It is a simple, and yet deep truth.

Of course, we need to have some reward now and then to keep us going; just a fleeting moment of ALMOST catching the fastest creature in the desert. This is not some ordinary bird; it can outrun a supersonic race car. The chase; the challenge; we must get out there and find a way to nab that pesky, long necked, goofy-looking bird.

Wile E. can’t retire. To sit on the sidelines without an exciting pursuit is a death knell to any rangy desert dweller. Imagine a coyote so portly he can barely stand. Instead of experimenting with Acme gadgetry, he simply chows down at the nearest Coyote Inn Retirement Home.

Another reason Wile E. can’t retire is the loyalty to the Acme Company. He is, after all, one of their biggest customers; all those detonators, parachutes, antigravity shoes, and aerodynamic inventions. Wile E. has access to an array of thingamajigs, doodads, and contraptions. Without Wile E. the company would fold.

Life will go on in this desolate wasteland, where conditions are often harsh and unforgiving. Wile E’s chase for the Road Runner will continue, filled with determination and defeat. No leisure in this area of the world; no resort, no recreation and no time for distraction. As long as a there is a zippy, silly bird to be caught, Wile E. can’t retire.

Beep, Beep.

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