Should You Coach Your Own Kids In Sports?

By Dr. Gary S. Goodman

If you have a child, you should ask yourself: Is it a good idea to coach my children’s teams, or should I leave the task to someone else?

I’ve been a Little League manager, I’ve coached soccer and basketball, and I’ve written a book about my experiences: 101 THINGS PARENTS SHOULD KNOW BEFORE COACHING THEIR KIDS’ SPORTS TEAMS. (Contemporary/Mc-Graw-Hill: 2000)

Whether you should follow in these footsteps depends on you, your kid, the sport, the parents, and the league.

You should consider six factors before you take the plunge, or are pushed into the water by other parents who want you to do it, saying they desperately need your help.

(1) Do you have the time?

In my book, I have a section called, “Welcome to your second full-time job!” If you work out the math of the commitment, it’s nothing less than astonishing. Practices, games, strategic planning, coordinating with other parents, league meetings, and travel to and from the sports venues adds up to a huge weekly commitment. And the season can seem insufferably long, especially in baseball or softball. Then, there’s the post-season!

(2) Do you have the right attitude to manage kids at play?

My softball team’s name was the Wildcats, and they lived up to it! You may be familiar with the expression that the task was like herding cats. Exactly!

You have to be patient, and as some adults might see it, insufferably upbeat. This is where kids learn to have a positive mental attitude, and you are their leader. If you’re a cynic, a pessimist, or simply going through a depressing patch in your life or career, please avoid this assignment.

(3) You can’t hate soccer and coach it well.

I happen to like soccer, but I didn’t grow up with it. I was a baseball, football, and basketball player, with a baseball emphasis. For me, soccer has been an acquired taste, and this is a plus. I don’t have a zillion war stories that I’m dying to share about how great I was in the sport. What a relief to the kids! If you just don’t “get” soccer, or you dislike it, admit it to yourself, and cheer politely from the stands.

(4) Will your kids be comfortable having Mom or Dad as the coach?

My daughter didn’t like the fact that I was coach because I paid more attention to the others than to her. That’s inevitable; there are a bunch of them and one of her. While I think she may have secretly liked the special status a coaching parent is given, it didn’t compensate for losing me as a full-time, dedicated cheerleader.

(5) Parents can make kid sports ugly.

A parent of a girl on my team stormed the field and made threats to me as I was standing at third base, in the fifth inning of a game, coaching. It wasn’t a happy episode. There were nasty phone calls from parents who believed their girls should have received more playing time, even if they missed a lot of games and practices.

A lot of these folks you wouldn’t have work on a car, let alone a child’s personality, but you have to accept what you’re given. Draft a kid, and the parents come along, good or bad.

(6) League officials can be, and probably are, the village idiots.

There; I said it!

For some reason community sports attract some of the strangest administrators. Power, politics, and egos seem to drive many of them, and they can drive you nuts, as well, because you are answerable to them.

Well, I didn’t tell you how wonderful it is coming to the first practice, walking onto a beautifully manicured field, or watching a child surprise everyone, including himself, by making a great, game winning play; something he’ll celebrate for a lifetime.

That’s a part of coaching, too.

So, balance everything, and make a decision that’s best for you.

And one more thing: it takes a lot of work on your part to make it play, for kids!

Dr. Gary S. Goodman, President of Customersatisfaction.com, is a popular keynote speaker, management consultant, and seminar leader and the best-selling author of 12 books, including Reach Out & Sell Someone® and Monitoring, Measuring & Managing Customer Service. He is a frequent guest on radio and television, worldwide. A Ph.D. from USC's Annenberg School, Gary offers programs through UCLA Extension and numerous universities, trade associations, and other organizations in the United States and abroad. He is headquartered in Glendale, California, and he can be reached at (818) 243-7338 or at: gary@customersatisfaction.com.

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