Parenting Teenagers - Saying No Without Feeling Guilty

By Tracy Tresidder

Nothing is harder than facing teenagers and having to say no to a variety of things. As parents, however, we all know we have to. We sometimes have to say no to going out with friends and occasional trips. This can lead to problems with our teenagers and the feelings of guilt that it is our fault for saying no. The important thing still remains that, even though they are teenagers, they still need our guidance. If you are looking for some ways to be able to say no and not have the guilt, here are a few ways.

Define boundaries and/or negotiate them

If you are dealing with older teenagers, there is a great way to be able to say no and not feel the guilt. Sit down with your teenager and define the rules of the house and any outings. Be willing to listen and hear your teenager’s side of the story and their arguments. They are old enough at this point to think things through and be able to present you with justified and legitimate reasons for what they are asking. Negotiate the rules. Then, when something comes up that requires you to say no, you don’t need to worry about the guilt because the boundaries were defined by both parties and agreed to each of the rules.

Don’t say no without a reason

Teenagers are not your little children anymore. They are almost adults and can reason like them. Saying no with the reason of 'because I said so' will no longer work and will most likely lead to greater problems. Be willing to give your teenagers justified reasons why you are saying no. Also be willing to consider changing that no to yes if they can provide decisive and true arguments to counter act your reasons. It’s good preparation for when they finally become adults.

Be consistent

If you say no for something once and nothing has changed, make sure to say no every time. Or say yes every time. Being consistent is one of the key factors in parenting that remains, no matter how young or old your child is. Remember to stick to the rules that you’ve made. You can’t expect your teenager to follow them if you don’t or aren’t willing to consistently back them up. The best way to feel guilty about saying no is when you’ve said yes in the past to the exact same thing.

Parenting is not an easy job but it can be immensely pleasing. Each stage in our children’s development brings new challenges. Remember these key points and you won’t have to worry about feeling guilty the next time you have to say no to your teen. Define the rules or boundaries, don’t say no without a reason and be willing to discuss the reason, and be consistent. Keeping these points in mind and putting them into practice is a good way to form a peaceful co-existence with your child during their teenage years.

Tracy Tresidder M.Ed is a professional parent and teen coach. Parents - learn how to assist your children to build lives of confidence, courage and compassion. Discover the seven simple steps to create a mutually loving and respectful relationship with your teenager. Go to http://www.coaching4teenagers.com.au to see the programs that are available now. Tracy is also the lead instructor for the Academy for Family Coach Training in Australasia where you can train to become a certified parent and teen coach. The 10 month Advanced Coaching Course, held in Australia on an annual basis, is the only ICF accredited Parent and Teen Coach Training Course in the world to offer CCE certification. Visit the website for more course details.http://www.familycoachtraining.com/advcoaching.html

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