Happiness Is...

By Donna Higton

I’ve been sitting here today feeling mildly dissatisfied for no apparent reason. It’s been a lovely warm day, I’ve got nowhere to be and I can just chill out. Wondering why I was feeling blue led me on to considering what happiness is. Many people when asked what they want from life say they just want to be happy. I am one of them.

But what is it? What is happiness? Having money? Plenty of rich people are miserable. Love? There are people who love and are loved who are still not happy. Success? Lots of successful people are unhappy. I could go on with this for hours – happiness is an intangible quality which is different for everybody.

Now, by happiness, I don’t mean spending my days in absolute ecstasy, I define happiness as a deep contentment. The happiest I have ever been was when I was backpacking round Australia – I was skint, often lost, well out of my comfort zone, far away from everyone I knew, and sleeping in dormitories…and I loved every minute of it!

So now I know what makes me happy – having no money, being lost and sharing a room with 16 people who snore. Er, no. So what was it? Why was I so happy there? I think the main factor was the freedom of being a traveller – if I was ever in a situation I didn’t like, I could move on easily, I could go wherever I fancied, whenever I wanted. Marvellous.

Freedom is my top value, closely followed by independence, fun, love and trust. Living in such circumstances aligned me with my values, and although I have no desire to live as a backpacker for the rest of my life, I can live to honour my values. And this is the path to happiness.

Whenever I am not happy, I can trace it back to somehow, my values are not being honoured. Being in a 9-5 job did not sit well with my values of freedom and independence. Betrayal violates my value of loyalty. Boredom stifles my value of fun. So what are values anyway? Values are simply the things that are important to you. For example, justice, creativity, acceptance, leading, understanding, recognition, certainty…the list is endless.

What are your values? What is important to you? Why does it matter? It matters because once you know your values, you can ensure that the way you live honours your values and you will be happier. For example, if you value creativity, you can sign up for a sculpture class and honour that value.

By knowing your values you can also see why you are not happy. Again, if you value creativity and are doing a mundane job, this is going to grate on you. Equally if you value stability and you are paid on commission, this will upset your equilibrium. Knowing about what is truly important to you is important to help you understand yourself and your reactions.

I have a friend who values harmony, and she always reacts very badly to another acquaintance of ours. The reason being the other woman is a stirrer! I mean that in the nicest possible way – she likes to stir people up and question everything. She’s fun, but harmony is not something that happens when she is in the room.

Values are as individual as we are – there is no right or wrong answer to this. By defining yours, you are learning what makes YOU tick, and no one else. Now you know your values, you can work to make yourself happy by aligning your life with what is important to you and reducing the people, places and situations that violate your values. What are you waiting for?

Take 10 minutes to brainstorm the values that are important to you. Think about a time when you were happy – what values were being expressed at the time? If you’re struggling, think about what you don’t like. Perhaps you hate rudeness – maybe politeness is a value of yours? Maybe you hate to be alone – is community a value of yours? Don’t put what you want to value, or what you should value – only put what you really value.

Is there a value which is not being honoured in your life? What can you do to align your life with this value?

DonnaOnTheBeach is a personal success coach - and personal success means success in all areas of your life. What does this mean? It means living a life of Joy, Passion and Purpose. Is this the life you are living? To sign up for Donna's newsletter or find out more about living with purpose, passion and joy, go to http://www.donnaonthebeach.co.uk or check out her blog at http://www.donnaonthebeach.blogspot.com

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